HOW TO COPE WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT ONE MAY SOON DIE FROM AN INCURABLE CONDITION.

HOW TO COPE WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT ONE MAY SOON DIE FROM AN INCURABLE CONDITION.

Sometimes, a sick one knows for certain that he/she may soon pass away. A typical example is in terminal cases of cancer or overt AIDS. How do one cope with this situation?

Firstly, the sick one should hold his/her cool , knowing that death, a necessary end will come when it will come. Death has to visit everybody one day through one means or the other and I think one should count oneself blessed if one has the opportunity to prepare for death.

Secondly, one should adopt a positive mindset to the impending GREAT MOMENT. If ones attitude is negative, some of the would-be survivors can even kick the bucket before the sick one. However, if one is positive about coming to the end of the road, it will help ones survivors adapt well to ones absence. It is a very good time for one to try and reconcile with his/her creator especially if the contrary has been the case. The Bible tells us that if one sincerely repents even a few hours to ones death, the good Lord will still warmly accept one in His kingdom. One with a terminal illness like cancers etc has the opportunity to write a will if not written yet.

Similarly, if ones relation is certain to die soon, the sick one should be provided with all he/she asks for, to the best of the survivors. The medical team of such patient should minimize to the barest level the pain and discomfort of the patient. The patient should not be allowed to die a painful death.

Finally, the larger society and government should make no attempts to justify or legalize euthanasia ( i e act of merciful killing) in any form. God decreed "you shall not kill".

In conclusion, in any situation one finds oneself, one should hand over everything to God. Learn fast to live with the situations you cannot help. The good Lord is always by our side even at our most trying periods. You want a way to remain healthy, prevent and even reverse disease, click :
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THE ART OF BEING FATHERLESS...

On 25th June 2009, the whole world woke up to the very sad news that Michael Joseph Jackson (MJ) had a cardiac arrest and sudsequently kicked the bucket. The world is a stage, it is popularly said, and that day, MJ left the stage. He completed his acting that fateful moment, never mind the other ones proposed for July 3 and beyond.Man proposes but God disposes... Between 1958 and June 25th 2009, MJ gave a good account of himself. He was different things to so many people... a music superstar, a role model, a fat vessel to siphon from, an employer of labour, an ex-husband and a father.Being a father to three innocent children is my concern today. Soon after MJ passed away,those three frail looking kids automatically joined one big world-wide club called THE FATHERLESS CLUB. I am a financial member for more than three years now. How about you? If you are a father:* is there any preparations you can make towards quitting the stage?* what is your expectation of your family 5, 10 and 20 years after you are gone* are you prepared for the final journey to the other side of the world? how far have you reconciled with your God and man?If you are a fatherless person:- how has it been? the thrills and challenges of your fatherless status.- how are you coping with the situation?- you joined as a child, a teenager or an adult?Good luck to the kid Jacksons as they join our elite club

SHOULDER THE RESPONSIBILITY IF THE NEED BE...

When the father leaves the stage, not only is an apparent vacuum created but a breadwinner is gone. When the father is alive, he provides for all the members of the household. With his exit, that role must be played by someone.It could be you or another of your siblings. Who takes over the role of providing for the rest of the family seems to be a divine thing. You are not appointed because you are the oldest, youngest or wisest. My contention is that if the mantle of responsibilty falls on your laps, take it with both hands and grace. Give it your best without any grudges. Somehow, I am seeing myself wearing that shoes. I am happy with it and I am urging you to shoulder yours if the need be. I will appreciate your comments

Mistakes many fathers make...

"Next patient", I called. A middle aged handsome man walked into my clinic. When he sat down, he soon told me he was hypertensive. For how long? "For about five years, precisely after my father's death", he answered. At the end of my interaction with him, there was no doubt his hypertensive state has a lot to do with his late father who died without leaving a will on the adminstration of his estate. Being a polygamous father, his sons were literally bent on devouring each other over his assets. There was a mini-war going on among the sons. Is it the sons fault? I doubt it. I think it was a costly mistake or oversight of their father. I wish he was alive to witness the mess he threw the sons into.What's your experience? On behalf of our club members, we plead that this should be a useful lesson for everyone

Somehow, you will get all back...

A day after the main funeral ceremony of my father, a good friend of mine came from the city to sympathise with my family. I was overwhelmed seeing him in my compound. He was entertained. When he was about to leave, he asked me to see him off. I oblidged. Just before we parted ways, he thanked me profusely for the befitting burial I gave my father. He confided in me that as an elderly man, "I am assurring you that the spirit of your late father will make sure that all you spent in burying him will come back to you several folds" Several years later, I am inclined to believe my elderly friend. My finances has been good. I have never had any cause to regret what I spent on his burial. I dont know about you. Your comments are welcome...

A feeling of why me...?

A junior member of our club came to our clinic to see me because of her health. I used the opportunity to welcome her to our elite club - the FATHERLESS CLUB. She had just finished the noble assignment of burying her father. We used some few minutes to talk about the burial ceremony. I apologised profusely for not being at her village during the big ceremony. I was supposed to grace the occasion, having been involved in the planning stage of the ceremony. One thing she mentioned struck me. She said that during the ceremony, she saw older men from her village still bubbling with life, and that made her to keep asking God, "why me, why did my own go so soon?". Yes, I had exactly the same feelings. Why should my dad die even when God has blessed me with enough resources to take care of him?. Why did nt he stay longer to enjoy the fruit of his children's effort? Funny enough, some of the children of those older men still surviving in my village never bothered to take care of their old father. "One of the ironies of life", I told our junior member.

Sooner or later, you feel being fatherleess...

A junior member of our big club came to me. Junior, because I joined the club before him. His three paternal uncles swore and were working tirelessly to dispossess him of a Petrol Filling Station he inherited from his dad. They had used the police and other illegal outfits to harrass and intimidate him. Finaly, the matter ended in the law court and he came to me for some advice. While his father was alive, even while he was bedridden by stroke for months before his demise, the paternal uncles never contested his assets. These were uncles that benefitted in many ways from his father's generosity. His ordeal in the hands of the paternal uncles reminded him most that he was fatherless. I was luckier... I am yet to be harrassed by kits and kins who are supposed to console me. Reactions from club members are strongly welcome!

What expectations from the actor ( a dying father )?

As a man grows old, he should prepare his mind that this world is not our home. One lousy fellow teased his friend that he should not be too serious with this life because he will never come out of it alive. Yes, that's true. None of us will survive it. It is a debt. The men who grow old are lucky. That's everyones aspiration. If one is priviledged to reach there.... get old, it beholds one to make sure he leaves a WILL for the upcoming generation. I hate to remember the sad story of one of my patients whose very rich father departed wiyhout a WILL in a polygamous home. The enmity and in-fighting among the siblings was worse than that between the Arabs and the Israelis. This should be a great lesson for all

Looking after the other half...

When one joins the big club, especially as an adult member, it places some responsibilities on one. If ones mother is alive, the responsibility of caring for the mother shifts immediately to the club member. I was already married with kids when I joined the club. With dad gone, I had to play the role of a husband to mum... take care of her medical bills, feeding and some stipends. It gives some joy to care for mum. The mum - child bonding gets stronger, like the good old days when one was a child. In some of our societies where a widow is subjected to some inhuman treatments by other family members, a fatherless club member should be ready to defend ones mother. Fortunately, that culture was not obtainable in my family. And I didnt have to fight that war.

It makes sense...

A prospective member of the fatherless club brought his 83-year old father to our hospital. After the clinical assessment and laboratory investigations, the grandpa was found to have chronic renal failure. When drug treatment did not help him (grandpa ) much, we recommended that the sick elderly man should undergo haemodialysis ie a form of treatment where a dialysis machine takes over the function of the sick kidneys. He had the first treatment and felt a lot better. Within 2 - 3 weeks, he relapsed. He had another shot and several others. Meanwhile, the haemodialysis was eating deep and creating big holes in the prospective club member's pockets. On one occassion, I frowned at him for not taking grandpa for another dialysis session. He pleaded with me that he needed to conserve some resources in case the inevitable happen... I thought about it and I think it made some sense....

Induction into the fatherless club

I believe one is inducted into the big club the day ones dad is buried... is returned back to ashes/mother-earth. How do you celebrate your induction? Different cultures and people have their own way of bidding their loved dads goodbye. In the South Eastern Njgeria where yours sincerely comes from, we celebrate it. We throw lavish parties to a father's exit. It looks logical because the day one is born, there is always a reception party. So, when an actor quits the stage, the living should celebrate the exit. I believe, if one has the resources, the wherewithal, to celebrate ones fathers exit, it is a worthwhile venture! I was inducted on 24th February 2006. I had barely two weeks to invite my friends, arrange for their entertainment and the funfare that accompanies the burial. Fortunately for me, I was doing well in my private medical practice and had enough for my friends on my induction day. Secretly too, after my induction day, I felt like a man, I felt like a father to my kids and a few weeks later, I joined the St Gabriel's Christian fathers of CKC Catholic church, Aba. To God be the glory...

'Baby' club members...

Very unfortunately, some people join the world-wide club at tender ages. In other words, they lost their dads when they are still minors. Well, God knows it all. Yes, they are starting life from a disadvantaged position but I am convinced that what is gonna be, will be. I believe in destiny. Whatever one is destined to be or achieve in life is possible even without a father. A great Nigerian leader - Chief Obafemi Awolowo - joined the fatherless club as a 'baby' member. If you are unfortunate to join as a baby member, take heart; the sky is still your limit as long as you work hard, is dilligent and co-opt God in all your plans. Ideally, we the old members should accept only mature members but fate occassionally decides otherwise...

Joining the fatherless club confidently....

What is the secret? Like I said, I watched the remaining part of the live football match between the Super Eagles of Nigeria and the other team even when I was informed my own loving dad was lying stone-dead out there. The secret is that I gave him the best of my care and support while he was alive. He had a running battle with Diabetes Mellitus for more than five years, and I afforded him the best of cares and love before and during the illness that took him. Having done that, I know that death, a necessary end, will come when it will come. When death struck him, I was unperturbed. I felt fulfilled. My head was high as I joined the elite fatherless club. So, as a prospective member of our club, go all out to love, care and cherish the one who God used to bring you to mother-earth.... I assure you there will be a type of feeling you have when he passes on.

My admission into the fatherless club...

2.30pm Nigerian time, 7th february 2006. A call came through. I was reluctant to answer it because I was tensed up. Iwas watching a live football match between our own Super Eagles (national team ) of Nigeria and another country in the African Nations Cup. I reluctantly peeped into the handset to know the caller. Seeing the caller wass my senior brother, I grabbed the handset and answered. He broke the news... That the big iroko tree shielding us from the adverse weather conditions of life has just fallen down. That papa just passed on. He was straight to the point. Maybe because he was convinced I was man enough to be admitted to the fatherless club. On my own part, I immediately informed my spouse of my new status and continued watching the live football match as if nothing has happened. Unfortunately, Nigeria lost that match. It was double stragedy for me. I stood my ground that day, absorbing the shocks of the two events. Maybe becaause I was matured enough to be admitted into the big fatherless club. Are you a prospective member of the club? Watch out for how I prepared myself for the big day!

It starts one day...

The world, it is said, is a stage. A man comes on stage, performs, gets the ovation or the contrary; and then leaves. The Hitlers, the Gorbachevs, the Churhills, the Idi Amins, the J.F. Kennedys, the Awolowos. the Azikiwes etc of this world have acted and left. While still on the scene, a man has sons and daughters he cares for, fends for and cherishes. However, one day; a beautiful day like the other days of ones life, the man ( a.k.a the breadwinner ) may just decide its all over. As he is leaving the stage, the sons and daughters automatically get admitted to one BIG umbrella club called THE FATHERLESS CLUB. Yours sincerely has been a financial member for some years now. I joined that beautiful february afternoon...